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Open letter to President Obama

Dear President Obama: You’ve said that you plan to save or create 3-million jobs.  It’s too late to save mine.  At the end of the summer, Tropical Storm Fay tore through northeast Florida and destroyed my boss’s house.  By October, she could no longer continue as she had, so she had to eliminate my job. [...]

Mahone Predicts: The three biggest stories of 2009

Princess Caroline Killed! While visiting a New York public school to ingratiate herself with the electorate by demonstrating her love for the ‘little people,’ Caroline Kennedy is kidnaped, killed, eviscerated, barbequed and eaten by a group of Haitian immigrants who believe that by consuming someone they will share their traits, i.e., in this instance, the [...]

Juice in the calaboose

Sentenced this week to prison on an armed robbery charge, O.J. Simpson appeared resigned to his fate as he bravely prepared himself with the accessories he would need to survive long term ‘jailing.’

Jacko announces conversion

This week the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, inflatable slide for sale announced his official conversion to the religion of Islam. Michael told reporters that, “Allah has promised me a new nose. That’s so sweet (giggle).” When contacted in California, where he was busy promoting a new kosher wine called My Father’s Vineyard, and asked [...]

Visions Of The Coming Obamalypse

Recently I had the opportunity of spending an hour or so of quality time with a professional sadist. “You won’t feel a thing,” he snickered, picking up one heavy gauge hypodermic needle, which he regarded disdainfully before replacing it on the tray and picking up a bigger, longer needle. I had originally procured Dentist X’s [...]