≡ Menu

Rasmussen reports that support for the Obama/Pelosi/Reed bailout bill has fallen to 37%.  Now Florida Governor Charlie Crist, a reputed Republican, sends out an email in which he not only admits he’s part of the 37%, but that he’s in bed with Chris Matthews.

Dear Friend,

This week I joined 18 fellow governors from around the country in writing a letter to President Barack Obama expressing our support for the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, which passed last week in the U.S. House and is currently under consideration in the U.S. Senate. I also directed administration and agency leaders to begin reviewing the best use of federal stimulus dollars anticipated to be sent to Florida as part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.

As the U.S. Senate considers this stimulus package, I continue to work with my colleagues and members of our Congressional delegation to improve the bill while ensuring Florida receives our fair share. We do not yet know how much of this stimulus package will be allocated for Florida, but we know Congress and President Obama expect states to use the money quickly in ways that jumpstart our economy. The Federal Stimulus Working Group I convened this week will spend the weeks to come making sure we quickly and responsibly implement these federal dollars to meet the Sunshine State’s education, transportation and health care funding needs.

I am confident that as both parties come together and finalize a package, we will see federal dollars that will create jobs in Florida, improve our education system, protect the most vulnerable among us, incentivize potential homebuyers, and provide tax relief to hardworking Floridians.

I will lead the Federal Stimulus Working Group, which includes Lt. Governor Jeff Kottkamp, along with my chief of Staff, budget director and policy director. The group also includes leaders from major state agencies, departments and offices – including the Agency for Health Care Administration, the Department of Children and Families, the Department of Environmental Protection, the Department of Transportation, and the Department of Education. There is no doubt these are challenging economic times for Floridians and for the state agencies that serve them. But by beginning now to look at where and how these federal dollars can be best used, we will be ready to deliver the necessary resources for our classrooms, for transportation projects, and for those who depend on Medicaid.

We are fortunate to have already laid the groundwork for efficient use of the federal stimulus money, through the Accelerate Florida initiative I launched in August. State agencies are working to remove unnecessary red tape in permitting and contracting, allowing us to speed up approved construction and capital outlay projects that will generate jobs and improve our schools, roads and waterways. In the first two months alone, the Florida Department of Transportation accelerated 170 transportation projects worth $1.4 billion. This kind of efficiency leaves Florida well-positioned to use the federal stimulus dollars quickly and productively, as Congress and President Obama intend.

Tuesday afternoon, I discussed Florida’s economy and my support for the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews. To see my interview on Hardball with Chris Matthews, go to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036697/.

Thank you, and God Bless.

Better not let Matthews and the others hear that God Bless business. You might not get invited to the next liberal leg-tingle cocktail party.

{ 1 comment }

Six more weeks of winter predicted

Yesterday Mahone’s cat, Scooter, went outside and saw his shadow.  He scooted all 30-pounds back inside, where he parked on the sofa, ready to ride out an extended winter.  He resides there even yet, waiting for someone to bring him a bowl of crunchies.

Scooter resumes winter attitude

Scooter resumes winter attitude

{ 1 comment }

In celebration

In celebration of the ascendence of The Messiah and the beginning of Black History Month, we are proud to bring you the following announcement.

Honoring the president

Honoring the president

{ 26 comments }

Open letter to President Obama

obamalogo1Dear President Obama:

You’ve said that you plan to save or create 3-million jobs.  It’s too late to save mine.  At the end of the summer, Tropical Storm Fay tore through northeast Florida and destroyed my boss’s house.  By October, she could no longer continue as she had, so she had to eliminate my job.

As I am now a geezer, no one seems interested in hiring me.  I need a job created.

However, reports show that for each of the 3-million jobs, you are planning to spend $217,000.  That seems like a lot of money to me since the average job in this country earns $40,000.  I’m willing to make you a better deal.

Send me $50,000 a year, and I’ll pass up your having to create a job for me.  It will save you some trouble, and it will save the taxpayers $167,000.

Sounds good, huh?  When can I expect my check?

Sincerely,

Juan Paxety

{ 2 comments }

Princess Caroline Killed!

While visiting a New York public school to ingratiate herself with the electorate by demonstrating her love for the ‘little people,’ Caroline Kennedy is kidnaped, killed, eviscerated, barbequed and eaten by a group of Haitian immigrants who believe that by consuming someone they will share their traits, i.e., in this instance, the valuable Kennedy gene.

Unfortunately, though forgiven by a public sick of the air-headed babbling Kennedy princess and eventually set free after the Supreme Court determines that they were acting under the precept of religious freedom (Voodoo), the consumers of Caroline ironically inherit the negative expressions of the vaunted Kennedy gene (such as possessed by Teddy, John John, Caroline, and many nameless venal cousins); consequently, they turn into inarticulate bloated, alcoholic assholes who have no sense of direction. Eventually, each of the attackers — as well as the several dozen grateful New Yorkers who gleefully joined them in their feast — gets lost, cannot manage to ask for directions, and dies of either diabetes, alcohol related disease, a large brain tumor, or a severe head wound.

Senator Princess Caroline

Senator Princess Caroline

Barney Frank Marriage Ends In Tragedy

Representative Barney Frank, while touring the middle East on a goodwill visit, becomes hopelessly enamored with a large Armenian penis he encounters on his visit. The love affair turns tragic after Frank and the penis are married in California.

On the morning after the honeymoon, the congressman is found on the floor of the hotel cabana, wearing lipstick and high heels and dressed in goat-skins, deceased. The coroner determines that Frank apparently consumed too much of a substance resembling Hollandaise sauce, and choked to death. Yielding to pressure from gay Americans, President Obama orders all public bathrooms in America to be draped in black for a week.

Barney Frank

Barney Frank

Pelosi Attacked At White House

While visiting the Oval Office, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is attacked by President Obama’s pit bulls and has her face viciously rendered apart. A visibly shaken President Obama, expressing deep regrets for Pelosi’s disfiguration, vows to immediately send the dogs to obedience school and volunteers public funds to bring in Greta Van Susteren’s personal plastic surgeon for Pelosi.

Former NFL quarterback, Michael Vick, who gave the dogs to the president, comments to the press assembled at the airport as he prepares to leave the country after the incident, “She-eet. I was only trying to help the prez affirm his blackness, see-wut-I’m-sayin’. Anyway, wut’s the big deal? De dawgs had their shots. And did you see dat bi-atch’s face before? Aw, fuck awl yah assholes. I’m outta here.”

Speaker Pelosi and friend

Speaker Pelosi and friend

{ 29 comments }