Paxety Pages

A Periodical - Internet Edition


Daily News and Commentary
Mahone Speaks
Lehamic's World
Cuba Libre
Bluenotes and Three Heads
Feature Articles
Tales and Humor
Our Animal Companions
9/11 Memorial
Guest Appearances

Site Meter

Space Aliens in the Everglades
Thursday, June 09, 2005   By: Juan Paxety

Bases along the Tamiami Trail

ABC-TV's new lineup lists a new show "Invasion." In it, space aliens land in the Everglades, set up bases along the Tamiami Trail and start to take over the world - beginning with Collier County.

Taking over Collier County would not be much of a challenge for the alert extraterrestrial. All a sentient life form needs to do is to register Republican, promise to cut taxes, work a deal with developers and produce some absentee ballots in the matter-replicating machine, then he/she/it should be running Collier County in no time.

The quote is from an article syndicated by Cox News Service. The article goes on to say Florida is the perfect setting for such a show.

Given the Sunshine State's five-century history with troublesome visitors who want real estate, the premise of "Invasion" is not hard to accept. And such is the state's reputation that merely setting a story here automatically accomplishes some suspension of disbelief.

The average viewer is tempted to say, "that couldn't really happen." But set the same story in Florida and he'll wonder if this is a reality show. Even somebody from North Florida might chalk it up as just the sort of thing that happens in South Florida.

I think this is too close to the truth.

Mahone wrote a letter to the editor in reply:

In regards to your recent online article "Space Aliens On The Tamiami Trail," I think the author was definitely on to something. Given the popular lemma that aliens are a more intelligent species than humankind, I think the chance of their registering as Republicans is a given. Unless, of course, their cultural paradigm of choice is more of the socialist-insect model, in which case they just might be here to pilfer the resources of hard-working individuals through excessive taxation and then use an inept bureaucracy to redistribute them to all aliens, even those too lazy to fly down to earth.

I wonder how the aliens will like the alligators, mosquitoes, former impeached federal judges now serving in Congress, bulldozing developers, and, of course, the millionaire anti-castro Cuban mafia. They may pack up and move to Roswell.

Update -from Mahone Dunbar

In a related story today, George W. Bush was photographed outside of Republican Headquarters in Hendry County, Florida welcoming Crowbar, a representative of the Gray aliens, to the Republican party. Noting that the grays are legitimate claimants for "naturalization," and should receive the right to vote, a spokesperson for the RNC said, "The grays have been making undocumented stops in the US for years; as well, every American is familiar with their status as illegal aliens and they rate very well in popularity poles. They have just as much right to medical services, educational facilities, and other government benefits as any other group of undocumented aliens."

After the photo was taken, President Bush said, "The, ah, Democrats, they, uh, have their illegal alien contingency, you see. And it's, ah, time . .. . we Republicans replied in kind, with the, ah, only aliens left to us. Besides, Crowbar has offered to cut my grass and then abduct Michael Moore and give him a painful anal probe."

After frantic calls to the White House from ACLU attorneys acting on Michael Moore's behalf, White House Press secretary Scott McClellan explained to reporters that the president's remark had probably been in jest.



(c)1968- today j.e. simmons or michael warren