Paxety Pages

A Periodical - Internet Edition


Daily News and Commentary
Mahone Speaks
Lehamic's World
Cuba Libre
Bluenotes and Three Heads
Feature Articles
Tales and Humor
Our Animal Companions
9/11 Memorial
Guest Appearances

Site Meter

Mahone's Beat
Sunday, January 16, 2005   By: Mahone Dunbar

News too weird to print

News too weird to print anywhere else.

Cosmo announces new mag

In an effort to update and reflect the changing focus of women in the rapidly aging boomer population, this March Cosmopolitan will release the first issue of Cosmopausal, a magazine aimed exclusively at the interests of women in the post menopausal phase of their lives. Feature articles for the premier issue are said to include: "So my husband has a hard-on: Why should I care?" and "What to do if your silver prince OD's on Viagra."

New kid flick in the works

Disney and Miramax Studios have just announced a joint venture set for release in the Fall of 2005. According to studio publicist Max Oldmolden, "Usama And Yomama," will be a light-hearted look at the life of Usama Bin Laden. Sir Elton John has been hired to write the soundtrack and, in keeping with his penchant for revisiting musical themes, a tentative list of song titles for the musical bio-pic includes: "You lived Your Life Like A Camel In The Wind," "Get Back Western Cat," "Tiny Bomber," "D'hareem Muhammed is leaving tonight on a plane," and "Doing A Thing Called The Infidel Rock."

Timmy Robbins has been signed to star as Usama. The movie will also star Bruce Willis as George W. Bush, Danny DeVito as Saddam Hussien, and the voice of Whopee Goldberg as Yomama, the magical talking goat.

Washington ablaze over the new image for Senator Clinton

Eyebrows are raised and tongues are a wagging in Washington after Senator Hillary Clinton's handlers brought in a make-over team to give her image a boost. One un-named source close to the senator said, "We wanted to increase her appeal to the NASCAR crowd, the gun-toters, the pick-up drivers . . . the rednecks and all those other neo-con idiots--make her sterner, more militant; yet, at the same time, we wanted her to maintain her appeal to elements of the left, like the fetish contingency, which is big in the upper East. Given all that, I think it worked our rather well." (See photo right)

Carville Denies

In a related item, busy James Carville, stopped outside the ruins of a burnt-out Catholic church where he had just presided over an exclusive black mass for Democrat leadership, was asked to comment on the wide-spread rumor that Senator Clinton had sold her soul to the devil in order to win the presidential election in 08. Carville commented. "Sold her soul! . . .. To the devil? That's ridiculous. I'm helping her for free. And that's a fact! Heck, all that contract-signed-in-blood stuff's just right-wing rubbish. Besides, Senator Clinton's word is her bond."


(c)1968- today j.e. simmons or michael warren