Paxety Pages

You reach a point where you think, God, I've heard it all; the leftists in Hollywood can't get any sillier, can they? And then you read about the "Rolling Fast" the Hollywood left is endorsing and you realize, Jesus, these people are brutally stupid and their capacity for idiocy is like a artesian well whose depths will never be plumbed. What's worse is that this same Hollywood political crowd depends on the gullibility of a confused public which frequently imparts the virtues, talent and abilities portrayed on the silver screen to the assemblage of morally depraved individuals, i.e., actors and actresses, who play the characters that embody them.

Here's the deal. Led by that beacon of intellect and reason, Cindy Sheehan, the only mother to have ever lost a son to war, the usual crowd of Hollywood actor-activists announced their intention to launch a hunger strike this week. The object of their hunger strike, whose kick-off coincides with the Fourth of July, is to demand that the United States government immediately bring its troops home from Iraq. Hence, anti-war protestors planned to have a last meal outside the White House before beginning the ‘Troops Home Fast’ at midnight. Among the Hollywood luminaries planning to participate in the hunger strike are, of course, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn and Danny Glover.

So far, so good. A hunger strike, or mortification of the flesh, is a noble and moral way of expressing one's moral dedication to a cause. But . . . wait. What the stars are actually planning on participating in is a "rolling" hunger strike. You've never heard of a rolling hunger strike before? How does that work? Well, one fasts for a day, then passes the obligation to another who fasts for twenty-four hours. That's not a hunger strike. That's not even the beginning of a good dieting attempt. That's maybe what a sixteen-year old girl does to ensure her prom gown won't be overly tight.

A few participants, it should be noted, such as activist Dick Gregory, plan to go on hunger strikes in the traditional way, i.e., they starve themselves enough to actually get hungry. If you think this shows a particular dedication to the cause of peace, think again. Dick Gregory has going on hunger strikes at the drop of a hat for the last fifty years! No cause is too small. For fun, do a Google search by inputting "Dick Gregory, hunger strike." Apparently, the man don't like to eat.

I recently re-watched one of my favorite black comedies, Happiness, by Todd Solondz. The film provides an unflinching look at sibling rivalry, sexual fantasy, perversion, ego and despair, all tied into the search for happiness. The story is centered around the relationship between three sisters; the youngest is a sort of a hippie ne'er-do-well; the middle sister is a suburbanite whose contented and idyllic lifestyle is actually a thin veneer which masks massive family dysfunction; and the eldest sister, the quintessential success of the family, is a famous author who writes angst-filled prose and poetry about women’s issues. But even success doesn't satisfy the need for happiness. In response to her sister’s effusive praise of her success, the authoress responds, "It gets tiresome being admired all the time."

Later, alone in her room, the successful sister goes on a crying jag because she feels she has no authenticity as a writer on women's issues since she hadn't been molested as a child or raped as a grown woman. She seeks the validation that only suffering can bring. Yet, ironically, when her chance for sexual abuse at the hands of another character - a pervert who has made her the subject of his obscene phone calls - finally comes, she declines it because he's not her type.

And this, in a nutshell, is the position of our Hollywood left. They desire authenticity, and additional public adulation, via the "validation" that only suffering for a moral cause can bring. Yet, though they desire to increase the magnitude of the sheen of their auroras by such validation, and to add the jewel of nobility to their crowns, they find that actual suffering, such as a hunger-strike of Gandhi proportions, is "not their type." Hence, they come up with the rolling hunger-strike, a tepid and effete mode of protest never before seen by mankind. Why, it's almost like a Hollywood publicity stunt.

These spoiled Hollywood leftists desire the moral balm provided by mortification of the flesh in the name of a cause - yet do not want the actual tedium and stress of the mortification. What they want is liberation without effort - and for you to take them seriously.

So, a well publicized communal, cumulative suffering is interposed, and thrust upon the public. If you buy Danny Glover as a gallant cowboy, brave detective, or dedicated buffalo soldier, or Susan Sarandon as a savvy lawyer, or Sean Penn as a retard,  why not buy them as martyrs? After all, it's just another role. And in Hollywood, appearance is reality. Have the makeup specialist put dark circles under the eyes for that lean and hungry look, perhaps tease the hair for the tattered and worn persona of long-term suffering, then you can buy the fact that by skipping a meal or two, Penn, Glover and Sarandon have made important moral and political statements.

For a lot of Hollywood's glamour crowd, not eating for twenty-four hours can hardly be called a challenge; it's a medical fact that junkies and coke-heads don't get that hungry. At any rate, the crowd that accepts Sarandon, Penn, Sheehan and Glover's version of a hunger strike as a valid form of protest is the same lot that thinks GITMO epitomizes torture (with Korans given to inmates, prayer allowed five times a day, and religious dietary requirements met), that the United States is violating the Geneva Conventions (which only the Supreme Court is stupid enough to apply  to non-signatories and non-uniformed terrorists who represent no single country) and doesn't raise so much as an eyebrow in protest when our Islamic enemies decapitate, disfigure, disembowel and castrate our soldiers. Since this is their mode of thinking, it is not surprising that they consider a rolling fast among the elite a moral hallmark.

One day the pendulum is going to start swinging toward patriotism and logic once again. And on that day there will a bounty on Hollywood actors and actresses. So, keep your powder dry, your scopes aligned, and keep your Tour Map of Hollywood Star Homes close at hand.

Given the popularity of a hunger strike (even a non-stomach growling hunger strike of the rolling type) for peace, Juan and I came up with the idea that those of us who believe that war is often justified - and never more than in the War On Terrorism - should establish a Rolling Binge For War as a counter protest. In honor of our country’s founders, I started my Rolling Eating Binge for War on July The Fourth. The wife and I went over to Wal Mart and got sixteen packages of hot dogs, twelve pounds of chicken wings, eight packages of T-bones, and assorted fixings. Surprisingly, I had no trouble at all convincing my family that this rolling communal binge was both patriotic and fun, albeit a little fattening. Basically, after sign-up, you binge for twenty-fours and then pass the torch to the next person on the list. All those interested in joining our protest may sign up with Paxety Pages in the comments.

Well, I've got to go now. I just noticed that I'm up for the rolling binge again (you can sign up and participate as often as you like). Would someone please pass the Vidalia onion casserole?